I decided to start a blog for a few reasons. The first was because I was entering a new stage of life; midlife. I wanted a creative outlet as I was embarking on this new phase. Another reason is because I have always loved fashion and style and I wasn't seeing a lot of cool style blogs for women of my age. And at the time I was considering starting a blog I didn't see any blogs for my age that created style (both clothing and decor) with mostly thrifted items.
However, the more I wrote posts for this blog, the more I realized that my journey was not only about rediscovering my clothing or home decor style, I was rediscovering my style of relating to others and my style of life. I was rediscovering my place in the kingdom of God, rediscovering how he really sees me, and my role in his story. I heard Dallas Willard say that "Young children haven't learned to hide their souls yet." There are many ways I have hidden my soul over the years. I had hidden my soul because of sin, fear, shame, loss, pain. Hiding my soul had hurt my relationship with God and with others. I had even become less creative because I was trying too hard to please people.
Creativity doesn't flow freely when you are too concerned with the opinion of others.
In my twenties I thought I was fully armed and ready to take on the world. I lived life imagining the next stage. When I graduate from college, then this... when we get married, then this... when we get out of this dumpy apartment, then this... when we have a home of our own, then this... when we have a baby, then this... and so on. The chapter came when I had graduated from college and was newly married with a head full of knowledge and a heart full of arrogance. I was going to do things differently than my parents, my siblings, the rest of the entire world; as is often the case of twenty-somethings. And even though it wasn't unfolding the way I thought it would, I could hang on because there was still so much ahead.
In my late twenties, we had our first baby. Then came the thirties. The decade of three more beautiful newborn babies, adorable toddlers, first words, learning to ride a bike, learning to read, homeschooling, and then some. Motherhood and homemaking; so magical. And so exhausting. During this decade for me was also the death of my sister, grief, suffering, more loss in a close relationship, broken promises, my heart was crushed. I felt like a deer caught in headlights. What is this? What is happening?
This is not how I thought my life would be. At all.
When I entered my forties I thought this would be my decade of recovery and restoration. And I believe God thought the same thing. He just decided to go about it in an entirely different way than I had envisioned. At forty, I was diagnosed with mono. Life as I knew it came to a complete halt. My idea of recovery and restoration would have included more activity and more business. I had envisioned adopting a child, a family mission trip, outreach. But during my illness God revealed to me that activity and business (even when it's in the form of serving) are two of the ways I control and hide. Control and hide... proof I am a daughter of Eve. God's idea of recovery and restoration was not one I would have chosen for myself, but his ways, yet again, have proved higher than mine.
Another reason I started this blog is because of the fatigue I have had since mono. I wasn't able to be as active as I was used to and a blog was something I could do that didn't expend my energy. I can sit, relax, sip a cup of hot tea, and create. I am not sure I would have done this if I hadn't gotten sick.
Rediscover Style is a glimpse at my quest toward a with God life. N.T. Wright said, "Art can hold together the pain and the hope." Style is my art. I want for this blog to be a place where pain and hope can hold together. As my soul continues to come out of hiding, I am more free to be alive, to love Christ, love others, love myself, and be creative. And maybe along the way, inspire others to do the same.
"God not only creates, he creates creators. On your best day you are most creative." -Dallas Willard
"God, what is man's best gift to mankind? To be beautiful of soul and then let people see into your soul." -Frank Laubach